Wrong

There are always certain things we do that we know we shouldn't. Temptation and desperation can often outweigh rational thought. We dig slow graves for ourselves, telling ourselves that one more time won't hurt. The deeper you dig, the harder it is to see how far down you've gone. Even if you look up, it seems hopeless to climb out of your hole so you keep digging because it's all you know now. It's easy to get lost in something that isn't right for you. The harder part is convincing yourself that you should stop and that you can stop. At some point, the rush that comes from rolling downhill will become terrifying and dangerous. It's up to you whether to keep rolling or to start climbing.

Shard of Hell

It isn't a curse for me to live this way. It isn't a plague that streams venom through my veins when I wake up every morning. It isn't misfortune or bad luck that sends me spiraling into the depths of infinite darkness when the simplest of conditions are out of line. I have not been bewitched by some supernatural force of nature. This is me and my hindrance. I am here as I am with a shard of hell embedded in my brain. I don't think I'll ever know whether I was born this way or if I have grown to acquire my burden, but it won't matter either way. I am alive with my hell and it is natural. It isn't right for a person to suffer at the hands of their own imagination, but it is still part of me. However, no matter what this hell commands, it has no superiority over my own self. This shard of hell is not bigger than me no matter how it feels some days. It's true I don't control it, but I control if I fight back or not. I control how I react to the demons it sends out to attack. It isn't a curse I'm meant to break, it will be a fight I endure for the rest of my life. This shard of hell will forever reside within me, and I will try my best not to let it shatter me.

A/N: I know that I have been m.i.a. for a very long time. My life has changed drastically from when I was active on this blog and I actually took a very long hiatus from writing in general so my style will have changed a great deal. I apologize if my posts are no longer up to par due to my lack of practice but I'll try my best to get back into the groove of expressing my ideas and possibly allowing myself to regain the strength I once possessed. My shard of hell for the past 5 years has actually been major depression and general anxiety disorder. I've spent the last couple of years being broken down and fighting back up only to fall all over again, over and over. It has been a terrible struggle in which I, unfortunately, lost my passion for writing. I'm trying my best to get better and writing once gave me immense joy so I've decided to delve back into it. Thank you for your patience and I hope everybody knows that I am always here to help anybody who needs a friend or wants to talk. 

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Snail

It's hard to realize how far you've come when you're moving at a snail's pace. Remember that life isn't lived in fast forward, you have to take it day by day and the changes that occur will happen gradually over time. It's not simple and sometimes you'll look at yourself only to believe that you haven't done a thing at all. That's not true, you're only in the process of making change, and though it can't happen over night as we would rather prefer it did, it will come.

Try

Trying is not measured upon how hard you want to reach your goals, it is measured in the effort and sacrifice you are willing to put forward in order to get one step closer.

Dread

You can run from most anything and ignore certain things. You can erase a mistake and white out something you never meant to make permanent. There's a particular grace to making things go away, but when things won't fade and you can't move the only thing you can do is continue down the road you've paved for yourself. It's terrifying and you can feel the dread spinning within you, but you have to keep going. When things are meant to stay within your life you are given the power to decide what to do with the situation and who your decisions will shape you into. Your life is yours to handle and though the fear within you tells you it's better to take the easy road sometimes it's better to stick to the choices you know are best. Dreadful situation call for important decisions even if you don't believe you're strong enough to make them.

Careful

There's a weakness  in everybody's heart and it sits there like an open wound that you just can't find a way to heel. Everybody is afraid, afraid that their wound will get a little bigger one day and rip them apart, afraid that somebody will see their soft spot, afraid that it makes them imperfect and that the hurt they feel might not be acceptable. There's a constant fear that the things we think about at night might one day be exposed and the tears we shed may be displayed, but there is no reason to be unsure of who you are. Everybody has a weakness and everybody has a little pain in there life. Some people may hurt a bit more than others and nobody will ever be able to truly understand that pain. Every story differs and so the way we go about healing does too. We battle and struggle through the pain and sometimes we may make the mistake of making it a little worst, but it can't kill you, not if you don't let it. The wound may feel deep and unbearable but it has to heal one day, time holds an elixir for these things. It may take a while and it may continue to hurt but it gets better and wounds heal, no matter how bold the scar. Sometimes, once one heals another wound begins to open, but every scar makes you stronger and every tear makes you a little wiser. Everybody has their battles and everybody has their scars, there's no reason to hate yourself because of the pain you're forced to feel. You're merely human and your heart can only bare so much, it's okay to hurt but don't let yourself be the one to make it hurt the most.

Rhyme and rhythm 5

I seek the help of a friend,
one that holds a hand to lend.
I envy the truth and the lies of truth,
a never ending oath.
I treasure the tears unshed,
disguised by the putrid mask of a sweet smile.
I pray for the kiss of the stars,
holding me afloat in a world of endless dreams.
I need the embrace of love,
something every soul requires.
I thrive to escape my loneliness,
a wish I wish at my worst.

Darkness

What's worse than falling into the darkness is getting lost on the way down. You'll never really crash and you'll never make it back up.

Mask of light

In the darkest of our days we still smile away, but that doesn't mean the light will appear in this haze. It won't appear until the smiles we bare are no longer merely masks.

Visible

We spend hours, and days, and weeks, and years dwelling upon our visible world. What we see and hear are the most important things to us. What we don't notice is that, even if we don't see it yet, the only truly important things are the invisible things. Our thoughts that run wild at night, our emotions that play us like pawns, the worries that grip us like talons, and the love that captures us with loneliness. Those are the things that make us who we are. Our souls are materialized by our interests, our actions, our beliefs, and our memories. We are not all visible, and it's unimaginably important that we realize that the visible parts of us are merely the masks of which really lies below.

Rhyme and rhythm 4

Sing me your song,
tell me your reason,
read me your creation,
and paint me your inspiration.
But no matter how long the distance is between your dreams and your world,
never let go of your self,
and I'll never let go of you.

Rhyme and rhythm 3

I see you again everyday
and no matter how much what you say
makes me forever want to stay,
I take pride in being able to walk away.

Higher

The higher you aim, the further you have to fall, but none of that matters so long as you focus on what's to come.

Every thought

People keep complaining about how ugly, fat, or alone they are. I just don’t understand. I don’t care how you look, how much acne you have, how much you weigh. I don’t wear make up, I wear five dollar t-shirts and the same style jeans, and I make fun of the fat that layers my body. I go around every day knowing exactly what I’ll see in the mirror, so I don’t look(maybe because I’m scared of seeing something I didn’t before). I want so badly to understand what you see in yourself that makes you hate your self so much.
Here’s a story for you. I’m always first to gym(among other classes) so I’m in the locker room first every day. Everyday, I see one girl walk into the locker room, and every day the first thing she goes to is the wall length mirror(No, I don’t watch her after wards, I just watch her and the other girls at the mirror and how they look at themselves- I’m not a creep). I swear, I’m already done dressing with my shoes laced and everything before she’s done ridiculing herself in the reflection.Sure, she’s not very attractive or thin, but I don’t believe people should look at themselves everyday and find every flaw in themselves as they possibly can. It’s simply not healthy! One day, I want to talk to her, tell her that she’s beautiful and that she doesn’t need to spend all day staring at herself. I see and hear people saying demeaning things about themselves everyday, and it kills me because if I speak up, then they’ll think I’m this creepy eavesdropper, and if I don’t they’ll continue to think that they’re some disgusting beast.
Everybody is beautiful in some way, trust me. I’m just like you, I walk around everyday wishing I were this or that and having half the mind to just drop everything and run away for a while. Sometimes I find myself standing in front of the mirror thinking, I’m too fat, too strange, my pores are to large, I have too many pimple, my hair is too thick, why do I have hair here? So, this isn’t coming from a perfect girl model who has flawless skin and a flat stomach. I just know enough to look at my self and find things that are positive about myself and not what I need to fix because I have nothing to fix. I’m not broken, I’m just not perfect. The same goes for everybody else.